SIMPLE DUTIES

* You make the bed…..+1
* You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows…..0
* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets…..-1

* You leave the toilet seat up…..-5
* You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty…..0
* When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex…..-1
* When the Kleenex runs out you use the nex t bathroom…. ; -2
* You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings…..+5
* In the snow …..+8
* But return with beer…..-5
* And no liners…..-25

* You check out a suspicious noise at night…..0
* You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing…..0
* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something…..+5
* You pummel it with a six iron…..+10
* It’s her cat…..-40

AT THE PARTY

* You stay by her side the entire party…..0
* You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old drinking buddy…..-2
* Named Tiffany…..-4
* Tiffany is a dancer…..-10
* With breast implants…..-18

HER BIRTHDAY

* You remember her birthday…..0
* You buy a card and flowers…..0
* You take her out to dinner…..0
* You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar…..+1
* Okay, it is a sports bar…..-2
* And it’s all-you-can-eat night…..-3
* It’s a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and you r face is painted the colors of your favorite team ¦.-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

* Go with a pal…..0
* The pal is happily married…..+1
* The pal is single…..-7
* He drives a Ferrari…..-10
* With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)…..-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

* You take her to a movie…..+2
* You take her to a movie she likes…..+4
* You take her to a movie you hate…..+6
* You take her to a movie you like…..-2
* It’s called Death Cop III…..-3
* Which features Cyborgs that crush human skulls…..-9
* You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans…..-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE

* You develop a noticeable pot belly…..-15
* You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it…..+10
* You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts…..-30
* You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.”…..-800

THE BIG QUESTION

* She asks, “Does this dress make me look fat?”
* You hesitate in responding…..-10
* You reply, “Where?”…..-35
* You reply, “No, I think it’s your ass”…..-100
* Any other response…..-20

COMMUNICATION

* When she wants to talk about a problem:
* You listen, displaying a concerned expression…..0
* You listen, for over 30 minutes…..+5
* You relate to her problem and share a similar experience…..+50
* Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying, “…well, what do you think I should do?”…..-100
* You have fallen asleep…..-200

IT’S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH

* You talk…..-100
* You don’t talk…..-150
* You spend time with her……-200
* You don’t spend time with her…..-500
* You seem to be enjoying yourself..-1000

GAME OVER. YOU LOSE.