Hillarious experience of an American Expat in Dubai

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Submitted by DA on Tuesday, 18 March 2008View Comments

April 30th:
Just got transferred to work and live in
beautiful Dubai, UAE! WOW!!! Now this is a city that knows how to
live!!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. It’s like New York
City minus all the crocks, murderers, and drunks. What a place! I
watched the sunset from a deck chair on my beautiful bedroom verandah.
It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here.

May 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 95 degrees today. Not
a problem. Live in an air- conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned
car, and everything is fully air-conditioned. What a pleasure to see the
sun everyday like this. I’m turning into a sun worshiper.

May 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants
today around our lovely pool. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to
maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love
it here. Heat is no problem at all.

June 10th:
The temperature hasn’t been below 95 all week
even during the night. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At
least today it’s kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is
taking longer than I expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns
over 90% of my body. Missed 5 days of work. What a dumb thing to do in
this lovely city. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol’ sun
in a climate like this.

July 20th:
Kitty (our cat) sneaked into the car when I left
for the office. By the time I got to the hot car for my lunch break,
Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up
the $60,000 Audi. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells
like Wiskettes and cat shit. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in
this heat.

July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant fucking
hair dryer in here!!! And it’s hot as hell. The home air-conditioner
died. The fucking AC repairman charged 500 Dirhams just to drive over
and tell me it was broken in fucking Hindu English or some language that
I couldn’t understand.

July 30th:
Air conditioner still broken. Been sleeping
outside by the pool for 3 nights now because it is 7000 fucking degrees
inside. Bloody 2,000,000 Dirhams house and we can’t even go inside. Why
did I ever come here? Fuck the sun. Fuck the wind. Fuck the freakin’
ocean. And fucking locals walk around dressed in white tablecloths
followed by little black female ninjas. Fucking crazy town.

August 4th:
It’s 114 fucking degrees today. Finally got the
ol’ air-conditioner fixed. It cost 2,000 fucking Dirhams and got the
temperature down to 25, but the fucking humidity makes the house feel 30
fucking Dubai degrees. Stupid terrorist repairman. I hate this stupid
fucking place.

August 8th:
If another local wiseass cracks, ‘Hot enough for
you today?’ I’m going to fucking whack him all the way back to his
goddamn desert. Fucking Dubai; by the time I get to work with all that
fucking traffic and heat, the car’s radiator is boiling over, my clothes
are soaking wet, and I smell like a baked cat!!!

August 9th:
Tried to run some errands today because it is
fucking Friday. Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seats in my
Audi. The seat was so fucking hot I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2
layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my fucking
ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and a baked cat.

August 10th:
The weather report might as well be a fucking
recording. Hot, humid and fucking sunny. Hot, humid and fucking sunny.
Hot, humid and fucking sunny. It’s been too hot to do anything for 2
damn months and the weatherman dude wearing the fucking white tablecloth
on TV says it might really warm up next week. Does it ever rain in this
damn fucking place? What is next, a fucking hell freezing over wave?

August 14th:
WELCOME TO HELL!!! Temperature got to 120 today.
Now the air-conditioner’s gone in my fucking Audi. The fucking Audi
serviceman said, ‘Hot enough for you today?’ Fuck him and fuck Audi. My
wife had to spend the 7,000 Dirham to bail my ass out of jail for
assaulting that stupid fucking Indian bastard wiseass. Fuck Dubai ! What
kind of a sick demented fucking idiot would want to live in this shit
hole?

August 15th:
Fuck this place. I’m off back to New York.

Ron

Hey White Dumb Ass,
just one questions, which used car from Ugly Duckling do you drive in NY and forget your AC house ,

please tell all these readers which Alley or Lane or shithole you live in.

Pussy,
Good you dident mess with the wrong Indians here or else your lovely wife would never find you in the Sand.
hey by the way
are your kinds doing drugs in NY now
hahahahah
your wife is she safe there..............
has your kid shot a school teacher

hey and listen with regards to Indians we still are taking your Jobs
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Indian

Really I was having a huge huge huge respect on Americans thinking that they will respect Indian very well & they respect human apart from all ! but they too proved that they are bad!
I wanna ask all u guys a single question Just try to send all Indians out of all part of america ! .I am dam sure America will become A big zero then!
About Indians in Dubai:
Look to everyone who talked bad about Indians . Indians & Dubai people are like brothers & sisters whatever u say they knows the value of Indians. they love us & they believe us .So all those who talked bad about us just warning you ! be a human first!

MyRealNameSure!!!

I have lived in 4 different countries, and there are good and bad people everywhere BUT DUBAI IS A REAL SHIT HOLE BY FAR.

FOLLOW THESE RULES WHEN IN DUBAI (TRSUST ME)

1. DO NOT BELEIVE ANYTHING YOU HEAR (WHEN SHOPPING REGARDNING INSURANCE OR WARRANT ON CARS,Computer OR ANYTHING!!!)
2. THE AMERICANS & NON-GULF ARABS & INDIANS ARE THE ONLY DECENT PEOPLE HERE MOSTLY NOT ALL
3. DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH UAE PEOPLE,PAKISTANI,AND RUSSUAIN, THE BRITISH WHO ARE IN DUBAI ARE REAL EURO TRASH
4.IF YOU HEAR RUSSIAN(ALL EASTERN EUROPEAN) RUN,RUN,RUN,...
5.REMEMBER YOU ARE HERE TO MAKE MONEY NOT SPEND DONT BE FOOLED BY THE FANCY CARS & CLUBS
6.IF YOU WANT TO MEET WOMEN OR MEN MEET THEM AT THE MALL , THE CLUBS ARE FULL OF CRAZY,WEIRED,GAY,LESBIAN,PSYCHO,DRUGY,TIME WASTERS MORE THAN ANYWERE ELSE
7. MAKE YOUR MONEY AND LEAVE
8. DO NOT STAY MORE THAN 1-2 YEARS , TRUST ME
9. FINALLY GOOD LUCK REALLY GOOD LUCK !!!!

DubaiGuy

yes Indians are fucked up, UAE is far better without them, they stink, they worship crazy shit like cows, they can be as dirty as shit, can live all together no matter wut, 10 , 20 in the same room, they have no brain, they are always afraid of locals, they r like parasites and they think they r smart cuz they work in IT! Indians are cheap thats all, thats why WE take 2 or 3 times the salary u take cuz we THINK and LEARN

Ben

Man, I Was Cracking out on everything ever since baked cat! Thats awesome! Keep it up, you made my day!

Bikram

Its sad to see the racial abuse here...the american attitude towards Indians and the rest of the world is sad....they don't realise the realities of today...US is the most fucked up country in the world...just see where it goes in a few years. The economy is going to come crashing down and mass riots will be common place in US. FEMA will step in and exterminate as many people it can and then they will realise how fucked up they are from inside. You have made enemies of the whole world by your attitude and stupidity and in a few years USA will be facing the consequences.

As for UAE, the word EMIRATE stands for "English Managed, Indian Run, Arab Taking all thE salary". That basically explains it all.
The amount of discrimination in UAE is unprecedented and cannot be seen anywhere else in the world.

For the same job with the same qualifications a westener earns 2-3 times what an Indian, Pakistani or Bangladeshi gets paid and an Arab earns 5-10 times. This is clear exploitation and must be condemned. Now any of you americans here have any reason for this??

Red flag

They say that they are good workers ,but they are far away from being creative, Cheap no personality ,they act like they are deaf when you ask them to do something ,the first word they say I dont know and no problem with shaking their head ,you never understand if it means yes or no they are stupid because they don’t listen!!! Why they are, dirty and they stink like shit? Just tell us why? Why they are thick minded and stupid? Why? Why they are all are racists and for what? Do you know what is “”water””” and how to use it? Can you buy a perfume that smells normal like everybody else? When they move to a place, the entire place will start to smell like shit. Why they are fucking liars? why they say V i/o W its water and not votar?

doss

hey as indians work for money,americans also work for money.so there is no rights for anyone to speak about other nations.so all of u shut ur asses and work there and earn money.be friendly with others.please

doss

@HN -

hey ass holes dont ever speak about indians. no one can work like indians. indian sare the part of dubai's growth. mind it stupid. u have no rights to speak about my country

rise

@STUPID INDIANS - Your comment says it all...BRIT(do they even exist in the 21st century?)!... the standard of your culture, who is doing what to who(should have personal experience doing it to comment soooo eloquently)...Indians dont do anything that the rest of the bloody world dont... for being bad n doing bad happens to be universal...seeing ones mother or sis as a piece of female flesh n speaking of them as sluts....well you would know!

rise

@The Observer - Change the world like US has done in Japan, Iraq, and ...where else? ... Gee ...no thanx, I'd think!

rise

@Observer -

Really? Have u gone n asked every Indian parent whether they are having kids to have them work in UAE? Sometimes its better to shut the hell up than open it and broadcast to everyone how little you know about anything!

Indian

Fucking westerns,

Search the internet you can find you shits fucking your grandfathers and grandmothers. They don't have a basic family nature. All of them only always thingking of fucking, even if it is eating or sleeping. Some fucking englishmen even work in middle east to earn more money for that they will present their wife and children for the asshole arabs.

new dubai expat dude

Harold is history, honey, write him off. He was f___ing dumb enough to move to Dubai!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Humor Trip

This post is really made to provoke laughter, so if you are someone who can easily get upset with stories like this, I suggest you to avoid reading hilarious articles or visiting humor sites.

The Savior

Hey, for race solution ask the Germans, ok?

Anyway...get to the point. Who wants to live in Vegas, Disneyland, Dubai, Manama or what ever the bloody place is called.

Wake up! These are all Mars colonys! Absolutely now heart and soul. You can only go there and earn money. The fun stays at home.

My definition of life quality is a bit different.

Ellie

I am very concerned about a friend who recently moved to Dubai as he had no choice in his line of work here in N.Y. I love N.Y. I love the cold, and the snow and the changes of season. He does as well, as we were together in LA at school for two years and we were not quite comfortable with the heat.

Harold suddenly stopped writing. Had I done something wrong? He told me that it was hard to communicate with westerners and those living around him. I was told that Dubai was a lovely city and VERY Westernized. I have lived in other countries and indeed have had my fair share of culture shock especially when my dad was stationed in Jakarta.

Before he stopped writing he had complained that the government would censor a lot of things, but I do not know at all what he meant. I have always heard beautiful things of the U.A.E. and their peaceful ways. So please, can someone tell me what may be going on? I tried to write him but have not received a word back.

I am very worried about Harold.

Thanks,

Ellie