Ever since the traffic department has banned the usage of mobile phone since May 1, we have all been through the drills of using hands-free while driving around Kuwait. But I guess the better part of this law has been to observe the other drivers. Here are some of my observations:

1. The juggler syndrome:

Most of the drivers forget to connect their hands-free to the phone and as soon as the call comes in they are startled & confused on what to do. They hit the brakes in the middle of the traffic and scram for that bloody twisted wire juggling to find the frigging slot for plugging in the hands-free. Ofcourse while all this happenning the drivers are completely oblivious to the fact that they have created a traffic jam behind them. Best part is while the phone is ringing and they try to maneuver hands-free while cursing out loud to everyone from traffic department to the caller, but themselves

2. ‘Laa Wallah’ the price shocker syndrome:

The only place you will find crowd at electronics stores is the mobile phone section, and especially hands-free section. People are hurtling their gaze up and down the aisle for the best deal on the ‘bluetooth hands-free’. They have tons of options from branded ones to Chinese knock-offs from the Nokias to Jabras. But one look at their price tag and every one goes Laa Wallah. The money-sucking stores have doubled the prices of all the hands-free and in many cases increased 3 fold and then offer a 20% discount on cash purchases. People can’t digest the fact that most of the bluetooth hands-free now costs more than the cellphones themselves

3. Public broadcast syndrome:

The fact that we are all used to listening music from other cars, as they blare up their boom-boxes while driving is second nature in Kuwait. Now we are inundated with conversations too. Why you ask? Silly most of the hi-flying wannabe hip-hop rappers have connected their car stereos with car-hands-free kits. These morons forget that volume dial needs to be turned down. Last evening I was at a traffic stop, and my neighbor-driver got a phone call, the moron immediately connected the call to his car speakers, and I could [and so did other drivers] hear all the muahs-muahs and kissy-kissy over the phone line broadcast all over the traffic stop!

4. ‘I Shout You Shout’ syndrome:

I still remember my aunts face years back when she saw me mumbling in thin air, thinking I had some serious psychological problem. Well she couldn’t get the concept of hands-free conversation. Over the years she has become used to seeing more of this behavior and now understands. But now we have another breed of such psychos on the road. Ladies and Gentlemen, you have hands-free, you are driving, the sound travels at good strength across the wires and air-waves to the caller, but please explain why do you have to shout and throw your hands at the car wheel. Your car is not interested in what ever you do, we are not interested in a driver who is shouting at the top of his voice, and we are definitely not interested in a driver who in his/her limited wisdom leaves the steering wheel while gesturing at the invisible caller. You might as well stay at home or office before you ram your hands-free car in the general traffic

5. Wired Fashion syndrome:

This one is for the ladies on the road. Ladies, we understand your desires for looking like a sparkling jewel when you walk in at 12 in the afternoon in the blazing sun, while the rest of us are sweating like the square-bob sponge dripping. We have all seen your fashion moments while driving, when you suddenly get conscious, of people looking at you and you turn every mirror in your car to get a quick makeup routine. That was dangerous enough. But now with the hands-free law around please and pretty please don’t take these as fashion accessories. No one cared before how your earrings looked, and no-one cares now how your bluetooth hands-free looks on your one ear. And please stop that weird wired wrap-around your bee-hives that you put on your heads. YES you look like zombies from the terminator age. Not everything in this world is fashion statement.